On my first date with my husband I told him I wanted a large family. I always remind him of that when he starts to complain that things around our house are too crazy. After all, he is the one who asked me out again. Although I can see his point, with eight kids under eight there is no shortage of stitches, runny noses, spills, and laundry. At the same time we also never seem to be lacking in smiles, beautiful handmade pictures, hugs, and someone to play with.

Ten years ago when my husband and I became foster parents we did so with the intention to help families. Our thought was that if we were blessed enough to be able to adopt that would be icing on the cake. Well, we have definitely been blessed. We started with our eldest son who came to us at four-months-old after being violently shaken by his birth dad. He joined our birth son who was six weeks younger than him. Having our “twins” was fun and a lot of work. However, just when we thought we had it figured out, life threw us a curve and suddenly having twins didn’t seem so hard when compared to six children under the age of four.

We jumped up to that number quickly after adopting a sibling group of three and giving birth to a daughter. The family increased again when we took a baby in for a “short time”. His brother quickly followed as we waited for relatives to get their paperwork done. The wait was finally over when we adopted them both last year, after kinship feel through, making us the parents of eight beautiful children.

As you can imagine our house is never quiet and rarely clean. And while adopting siblings has caused our family to grow quicker than we anticipated, it has been well worth it. This is not to say that it has always been easy. Having a large family has its negatives as well as the positives. For one thing we need to take out a loan to go to the movie theater. We also have our fair share of inquiring looks when we venture out together and the question; “are they all yours?” is a familiar one.

The feeling that they are all truly “mine” came with each child. It is magically experience that happens between a mother and child, where the line between a child through birth and one through adoption becomes blurred and then thoroughly disappears. In that moment I knew I would go to the ends of the earth and do whatever it took to give them what every child deserves: a safe, permanent, loving place to call home. Don’t misunderstand me this moment didn’t always happen the first time we meet. Some of my children and I had to work months for this connection to begin to form. Their early years were fraught with unreliable adults who made them question my intentions. Their inability to trust was often displayed by negative behaviors that made me question my sanity. However those bonds that were created through time, effort, and prayers are ones that will never fail, no matter what the future may hold for us.

In choosing this special way to create a family I have gain so much knowledge from my children that I could not have learned otherwise. My eight-year old son, who is developmental delayed and in a wheelchair, has taught me persistence. He has had to learn and relearn things that come so easy to most of us, and yet he does it, usually while singing. My son who came into our house at three years of age taught me how to be a better parent. To accentuate the positives, to keep calm through any amount of screaming, and that time spent cuddling with a child is time well spent. My little girl has given me so much joy. When I think that we almost didn’t get to keep her because we had so many little children at the time, I cringe. She is meant to be a part of this family, just as our other little girl born to us was. And as much as I believe in biologic siblings having a connection, my girls have shown that sisters don’t always just happen, they can be made. The last two boys to enter our family have taught me patience, a lesson I mistakenly thought I had learned with the first six children. They have also given our family a deeper respect and love for their Dineh culture.

As a family we have also gained a large extended family that often has my children confused on which grandparent we are referring to. With every aunt, cousin, or grandparent that has been permanently added to our family my children have gained one more person who loves them and I am so grateful for those lasting relationships. As a parent I have also learned to appreciate the characteristics that were given to my children through their birthparents: their beautiful eyes, love of music, or ability to understand math (defiantly not something they got from me). The most important gift and lesson we have been given is an appreciation for our family and the relationships that have been built and fortified upon a foundation of compassion, understanding, and love.

While we may never have dreamed of having five children in diapers at the same time we got exactly what we all needed. Our children needed us to help them break the cycle of abuse and love them for whom they are. They needed us to validate their feelings of loss and to minimize that by opening our arms to all of them. In turn, my husband and I needed the laughs, the broken furniture, the hugs, the huge food bill, the wonderful memories and the tremendous happiness that each child has brought into our home. The other day I was talking to my husband about someday adding more children into the mix. He didn’t bat an eye and said, “Yeah, that would be fun.” I guess he knew what he was doing when he asked me for that second date after all.